The winter of our discontent… so poignant for me. I have to say, that if I had to pick timing on the death of my husband, this would have been it. It allowed me to hunker down and work through my sadness, my tears, my loss, my grief in the slumber of the winter and the blanket of silence.
Late winter presented an opportunity for me to travel with my boys. We chose the South-West and journeyed through the deserts on a quest to find connections. Connections to the land, each other, time and the esoteric meanings in life. We talked and wondered constantly. We felt a great openness to each other and to the possibilities coming. One of my boys summed it up when asked how the trip was. “ It was amazing, I came to the realization that I know nothing…”. The world is so vast and so full, our small little lives couldn’t possibly give us more than a spec of knowledge to what the universe holds.
That was what I came home with and now it is spring. The eternal possibilities, new growth, new life, new opportunities.
There has been a significant shift in me. I can truly say that I haven’t been happier in a very long time. Never more excited for what lies ahead, never more open to exploring what comes my way daily. It’s invigorating, exciting and joyful.
This feeling comes on the heels of another loss. A neighbour passed away recently, we weren’t very close, but I did consider him a good friend. He was a quiet, gentle strength that I always knew was in my corner. He was in everyone’s corner. The significance of his passing is felt far and wide by his family, friends, and community.
I had the distinct privilege of being a part of the grieving process. Being there the night he was found to support his family as they dealt with the shock gave me a chance to support them as they tried to make sense of the events that had happened. I was able to be a quiet strength for them.
It put me in such a healing place, to be the supporter for a change. I was able to give back to the community that has held me up for so many years, to feel a purpose for being in the right place at the right time. I was welcomed into the home as if I were family, hugs were constant as dozens of close family and friends gathered around and a love bubble formed around us through the week. It will be a treasured experience for me, it’s what I like to consider is the collateral beauty in the aftermath of loss.
This is how I want to live my days, experiencing this humanity has breathed healing joy into me. Good things are to come, now to get to sewing…